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Satanic Panic in the Attic
I tried (and succeeded obviously) to take pictures(with my disgusting webcam] of my cat, Penelope, earlier. Now, I'm covered with scratches. I'm so mad at her. So mad that I decided to embarass her in this area of public interest. SHITTY KITTY GOIN' DOWN!

Now, I tell you with teary eyes, and twitchy bottom (but why?), the story of a Penelope Carrots, Worlds Biggest Jerk.

Zounds! That sound, what could it be? The pitter-patter of little feet echos through my heart and brain. Oh GOD, the noise... It's Penelope Carrots!

Stupidness, now with colored pictures!Collapse )

Current Mood: ridiculous.

37 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
First off, I would like to thank those of you for your advice on my previous post. You weren't telling me anything I hadn't already thought many times, and maybe that was even better than having you tell me new ideas. Because, my, isn't it nice to know that the people you respect the most would have reacted in the same way? Oh, yes! I feel like so much less of an asshole.

Next, I would like to tell you about life being too amazing, and body maintenance being the most annoying thing ever. I have always thought so, but now I am getting the worst effects of it.

Besides all the stressful occurances which have taken place in the past month or so I find life to be full of the most amazing things. Sure, I see the bad too. I just find it boring right now. And I say down with boredom. So on to finding life full of wonderment and humor!

Anyway, what I'm getting at is this...
My body is shaky and my muscles sore. I am freezing, and wear my hoodie when it's 80 degrees. I hate eating. I don't want to eat when I would rather be bug hunting or walking through flooded parks. I hate getting out of bed and knowing I can't just start doing what I want to because I have to brush my teeth and take a shower. I've been keeping up with that, but the food, godamn the food, and the eating! I can't stand it. The old belly starts to rumble, and I punch it and move on.

But, now I am sickly and weak and i've been losing weight way too fast, and doing the things I want to isn't so easy anymore. So very angry! Such a silly thing to be mad at what has been and always will be there until you die. I know you are having a good time! But don't forget to take care of your good old friend Mr. Body.

Health...phooey. Stupid body. How annoying are you? The sky is the limit for you to piss me off.

I twisted my ankle last night tripping over a curb because I was too focused on a squirrel and a cat batting an acorn (or something) around.

Happiness might destroy me.
I find that humorous.
21 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Breakfast for the past several days has been cinnamon Altoids, and chewy Sprees.
During the time of insertion/absorbtion my brain sizzles in a pan called delight. Happiness surrounds me, and then 15 minutes later I have a horrible stomach ache/headache. But was it worth it? OH yes. Like having the best sex of your life and then a fat man with a hygiene problem storms in and punches you in the face repeatedly, you can't help but block the pain and remember the amazing feeling which had preceded.

In other news, I have been presented with a rather difficult decision that I brought on myself. It shouldn't be difficult after all the thinking I have done and only come up with one "right" decision. I know which is justifyable, and which one only stems from awful human selfishness.

And still after all the crying, and KNOWING I am about to do the wrong thing, I will do it anyway. This puts me in the group of WORST HUMANS EVER, sometimes known as PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE LOCKED IN LITTLE BOXES FILLED TO THE BRIM WITH THE MOST VILE OF FECES.

I don't want to talk about the details, and no,no your guess is wrong. Or perhaps I am just trying to sway you from knowing the truth? I am no different from you.

Just know you are associating with a fool.

Current Mood: scared scared
Current Music: Neutral Milk Hotel-Oh Comely

26 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Here are some pictures from a shoot I did on Thursday for the lovely and talented Jeff ( a_saint ).

and theeeen?Collapse )

My goodness,someone's face looks a little pudgy. That's ok. If I suddenly died in a group of skinny women, and there happened to be several horny boys standing around...who do you think they would pick first of the dead to have holes cut in their cheeks for massive amounts of good old fashioned love making? Yeah, that's right. Don't be jealous. It only takes away from time you could be spending picking your nose or watching a movie you never wanted to see in the first place.

OH, I only kid. Sort of. That's the way.

You guys, life is very strange and exciting, and I for one, can not get enough of it. I wonder if someday I will ever find myself sitting (or standing) there saying to myself "godamn I'm bored". I hope not. NOT EVER.

Current Mood: exhausted exhausted

41 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, I'm back from Tennesee. The experience was ummm...well. It was kind of like taking a walk at 3 am, with a smile on your face, a skip to your step, and then finding a mountain of butchered kittens. But, wow, I've never seen a mountain of butchered kittens! I must investigate further!

I don't think I want to talk about most of what I went through. It's still processing. I may never want to talk about it. Too much weirdness. It's probably just my brains warped interpretation of it all. Maybe.

When I first arrived to the house, and opened the door, it smelled sweet, but there was a touch of something else I couldn't place. I smiled and said "mmm!". Then I stopped that, when I realized the smell was that of a funeral and I looked over and saw my god mother lying on her back in the middle of the floor with her arms draped over her stomach. Her face also looked embalmed and sewn. Then she popped up and said (with eyeballs screaming from their sockets) "HI!!!". From that point on I was in an almost constant state of mild panic. Only mild because there were some things that made me smile and I tried my hardest to focus on them.


Current Mood: nervous nervous

19 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Who here has an overactive imagination? How many of you laugh scornfully when people say "you wouldn't understand unless you went through what I did"?

Although I do love to sleep, only half the time do I enjoy what I go through before I do so. It is not out of the ordinary for me to lie in bed for 2-3 hours awake, while I try desperately to fall asleep.

Sometimes I make up ridiculous stories, and find myself laughing uncontrollably. They are only ridiculous because of the truth that surrounds it all. I can't help it, the truth is just funny, but only from a certain portal of the brain. Don't blame me if you can't see it too. Ah yes, life, you cute little tornado of tragicomedy, you.

One theme I always come to at one point or another is SCARY SITUATIONS! Intense organ music usually preludes the events to come.I put myself in a scary situation and try to get out. Last night I was trapped inside a car under water. The windows wouldn't roll down, so I had to kick them out. It was hard to move because I was so terrified. I couldn't believe how difficult it was. The water was thick, and my lungs were tight. The windows wouldn't budge, so I skipped over that part, and pretended I got out. On the way to the surface an evil shark with clever eyes was well on his way to eat my face. Then when I finally got to the top I realized there was nothing but water surrounding me. I thought my brain would explode right there, with me inside!

Suddenly, paraplegics were dancing all around me with eyes the size of golf balls, singing show tunes OF COURSE. You may be asking yourself "but, how...do they dance?". Very well actually. The legs just kind of flop around though. That's the best part.Hello my baby! Hello my darlin! Hello my ragtime gal.Send me a kiss by wire! Baby my heart's on fire! [boom boom boom]. Do you hear me now? How about now? Good, good.

So, I'm going to Tennessee tomorrow. Little house in the woods...a room filled with the smell of pee from former house keeper who died...that's my room. OH GOD! I just ..it brings tears to my eyes.

The madness is coming. Rewind. The madness is here. He's hiding behind my laughter. Reprogramming of the brain is in hot pursuit. Virus has been found! Alert! Alert! I hope I've come in time.

Current Mood: scared scared
Current Music: man or astroman

20 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I looked down at the newspaper sitting next to me. The headline read "Cruel Hoax". In over dramatic manner, I shook my fist to the sky, and said "YOU'RE a cruel hoax!". My Mom walked in the room, and said "And YOU'RE a lazy good for nothing... get a job!".
Then my Dad walked in the room and farted.

My Father is a wise man. We all have a thing or two to learn from him. One of them being, the perfect timing for flatulence.

In other news, I hope none of you ever have dreams as amazing as mine. I've been sleeping too much, on purpose. They trap me, and I'm starting to confuse fact with fiction back here in the "real world".

I have some big changes I need to make. I forget sometimes how ridiculous time can be. Soon I will be dead! And then what will the birdies do then? Hmmm?

I'm sorry journal. I just don't know what to say to you anymore.
16 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I'm sorry (or pleased, depending on if you are of vicious nature) to inform you that I am writing to you from a seemingly dysfunctional brain. I can't be quite sure, as all my thoughts are jumbled.

Besides, the occasional trip to the store, and one night out for coffee with a friend, I have not left this house or had physical human contact for 1 week. I thought this would be good for my brain. That somehow I could figure a few things out. Unfortunately, I think the main solution is to find activities, and people to take away from many of my thoughts, as they have only proven to be destructive when used in great quanities. Or, WARNING: Do not swallow. Why agitate yourself with unanswerable questions. Come on now.

The other day, sitting on my porch, I got a good show. A middle aged man with a huge handle bar mustache, and snake skin boots that tapped on the pavement, much like the tick-tock of my fragile heart (just kidding, you poetic bastards) was pacing back and forth along the sidewalk. As he was doing so he would occasionally punch the air, and make a grunting noise that sounded strangly similar to that of an old man in his precious second between orgasm and death. We had a bonding moment, that he wasn't aware of.

My brain needs help that only I can give it. That's too bad, because my other brain is against you. Hey, I can only do so much here. Yes, I exist entirely seperate from these brains, you understand?

I feel like I should make up for my whining by telling a joke. Whining is so disgusting. Hm, ok nevermind, I can't stop thinking about marshmallows. So, no joke...but I do have marshmallows. Bye.

Current Mood: stressed stressed
Current Music: Bad Brains-right brigade

21 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
My time with you is short, so I must be quick.
I wanted to share with you some words from a strange human.

Tonight I went to see Anger Managment with my friend Eric at the Dollar Theatre.
Afterwards we went to Dennys.
Delightful happenenings in the booth behind us.
(pssst...delightful equals absurd!)

The man talking was balding in his mid to late 30's, goatee, glasses, twitchy foot ( I could feel the vibrations)

The woman listening was fat with mousy brown hair and a flat ass.

Two pieces taken from his talking.

1. "And so there I was sitting with my girlfriend, and she was talking about politics or our relationship or some bullshit, and all I could think about were the following: God, I hate your eyes. Fuck, I hate your nose! Shit, look at those lips. And finally she said 'are you listening to me?', and I said 'OH MY GOD, I hate your face.'We ate our cake in silence."

[the ending to number 1...so good]

2. "And she's like 'I just think we should wait until we are married to have sex'. And I'm like 'MAYBE, I should go downtown and shoot a nigger in the face!' BAM BAM! Hahahahah, crazy woman."

OH man.
I'm so glad there are people on earth solely here to amuse me.
I wish you could've been there.
24 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Today at the grociery store, I saw something that made me laugh.

Where the fruits and vegetables reside there is an sprinkler which goes off every now and then. When it starts, a robot voice sings "I'm Singing In The Rain".

There was a woman on her cell phone picking through some carrots. She was round and fat with enlarged facial features and a strange villain from outer space voice.

Well, the sprinkling occured, the robot voice sang, and she was horrified. She immediately shouted "fuck!"( except it sounded like she said furkah. new lingo for outer space villains i presume). And then the best part, SHE PUNCHED THE CARROTS. It was amazing.

I remember thinking "isn't that typical, for humans to lash out at what's closest to them, even though what they are mad at isn't receiving the anger at all". But, also, maybe she thought the carrots were trying to attack her. If so, I hope she has recovered successfully.

Ok. That's enough stories for now.

Current Mood: nostalgic nostalgic

17 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I like to think I'm a fairly relaxed person who doesn't let things get to me for more than a few minutes. But, if there's one thing that makes me swell with hate, it's people who take forever on their turn in scrabble.

As we know getting online to play scrabble with random folks, is to take a big risk. You never know who you are going to get. Unfortunately, in most cases I seem to end up with biggest lame-brains of the universe. Any amount of time over a minute to a minute and half is too much time for your turn. 10-15 seconds being perfect, if not less.

Literati has an option for timed games, but I say down with that mess. Literati is a jerk. Ugly board, random selection of tiles. Awful. I refuse to play this rip off of scrabble, unless it's with someone I love and care for. Because, when you love someone, you make exceptions.

Anyway, I am beside myself with anger right now. I'm sure it's silly to get so mad. I don't care. I want to hunt down the person I just played scrabble with and hope I find puppies so I can kill them one by one, with passion, in front of this asshole.

In other news. I went to Wisconsin last weekend. Lonely farms, diseased dogs, and and an overactive imagination proved to be a very interesting time for me. Sometime in July I will be returning to a particular farm of some relatives. My stay will last 2 weeks, and I will learn what it's like to be a farm girl. My great uncle says "don't worry about clothes, we have plenty of overalls".

I've never wanted to learn how to milk a cow, but there are so many ways to get killed on a farm. I'm hoping to return home at least 2 limbs less. I don't really know why I am excited for this experience. Maybe because it's something new and that makes it exciting. Or maybe it's the overwhelming lonliness and sadness I feel when I am in the country. It makes me explore places of my brain I always try shut away. I can't get over the shortness of life, and the death. I am still looking for a loophole to make every aspect in life acceptable. Is that silly? No.

Who knows a good joke? Tell me.

Current Mood: weird weird
Current Music: sweet-ballroom blitz

16 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I had amazing dreams this morning and afternoon. Then I woke up, and the rest of the day was awful. But other people didn't seem to get the memo. I saw it with my own eyes! Downtown, hundreds of people laughing and loving life. I was so mad.

I felt like a zombie all day. But, wait, do any of us know how zombies really feel? Are you a zombie? Did you have a close friend who was? I think not. Maybe zombies just have poor communication. They lack the social skills needed to be accepted in normal society. And what do we do? Scorn them, treat them like monsters. Well, they do try to eat our brains. That's bad. But, have a little sympathy. What if you were a zombie?

So, I felt the way a zombie appears to feel, all day, but I didn't want to suck anyones brain. Actually it was the other way around. I felt like everyone was trying to suck mine. "Excuse me, do you have the time?"
"Quit trying to suck my brain!"
See? Ridiculous, I know, but sometimes I wish people would stop asking me questions.

I sat at Steak n' Shake for 3 hours reading Calvin and Hobbes, and frequently looking around me, wondering why everyone was such an asshole. Then I realized I was the asshole. But, that didn't stop me from imagining their heads exploding one by one. The remaining looking on in horror, as they knew their turn was coming up. I was filled with happiness, until I remembered these feelings weren't allowed on The Worst Day Ever, and I went back to being angry.

After breaking the rules once, I decided to put the day on hold for a few seconds, when I saw a tiny old man headed my way. He must have been at least 85, and his walk was brisk and passionate. He winked at me as he passed, and then met his wife (i assume) at the counter and gave her a hard pinch on the butt. She let out a yelp of surprise, although she seemed like she knew it was coming. They were cute, and I didn't imagine anything bad happening to them.

So anway, I sucked at everything today. I couldn't even brush my teeth right. I was doing the "angry brush", and it went up my nose. At least I got rid of some boogers.

Good thing nobody was around to see me act like an asshole. Oh wait, there was, and I totally ruined what could have been a fun night. Awwwesome.

Current Mood: half numb/half angry
Current Music: man or astroman

53 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
My parents have left me in charge of the house while they go camping for the weekend. As soon as they left I decided to go through old boxes in the basement. I found many treasures. I was reunited with several old diaries, love letters from people I never stopped wondering about, a "how to" stand-up comedian book, pictures, and lots of comics I drew when I was 17, including my favorites at the time, of boys with huge penises squirting cum into unsuspecting victims, who just happened to be yawning at the wrong time.

Here's a couple of really old pictures I found of me.
I had to take them with my webcam so they don't look very good. So what?
My Dad looks so funny without his big beard and long hair.

I also got some Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sheets and pillow cases today from the thrift store.

And friday Evan is coming over and we are going to watch MST3K, and drink 40's, and sleep in ninja turtle sheets. [and and and]. Oh Life! You are doing well.

Current Mood: happy happy
Current Music: gg allin

29 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I always used to see people doing yardwork, and I would think to myself "oh, there's another happy human digging a hole". But, I never really thought about why they did it, until today. Maybe my brain just isn't processing this correctly...but, I feel scared.

I took a walk earlier today, and counted 5 human in a 1 block radius, planting and digging, with these intense crazy faces. What are they doing? Is this their way of leaving their mark in world?

My parents for example, are complete gardening lunatics(as of a year ago). Before they set out for a day of digging holes, they run around the house with swirly cartoon lines around their heads to represent their perfectly crazy brains. Everyone is bumping into one another, my mother is cursing, my fathers face is glowing bright red from some kind of intense happiness. And everyone is screaming, but they don't know why.

I just know that after thinking about it for an hour, I only feel shivers down my spine, and a strange feeling in my stomach when I see a freshly planted rose.

Last night was amazing. I'm so lucky to know the people I do. I hope I know them until I die.

It has come to my attention that people think I am crazy. Some people mean it in a good way, I guess. I know this when someone says "you are the weirdest girl ever", through a toothy grin, and warm eyes.

But, I did a little study on the ones who say it for other reasons, and I found them all to have a few common traits: stupidity, jadedness, and a complete lack of creativity/passion.

So, you can go on living your life the way you always will, and try to make the best of it. Good luck.

I'll be just fine in my cartoon-like existence.
And you will never hear me utter those despicable words "I'm bored".
This is life, hello?

In other news, smoked string cheese is the shittiest thing ever.
And you are the best thing ever.
Let's hold hands.

Current Mood: lonely/happy/crazy
Current Music: HIM

45 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Today was just a day, but I found it pretty annoying.

1.I spent 2 dollars on "Intense Peppermints". These mints are the opposite of intense. I seriously want to break dishes. I shouldn't be this angry over this. But I am, and I imagined all the mints having brains and souls and I gave myself the power of laser beam eyes and burned them all to hell. It made me feel a little bit better, but not enough. I don't care about the 2 dollars, it's the fact that my hopes of a tasty powerful mint were crushed. DAMN YOU VELAMINTS.

2. People who use language translators and try to act special. FYI: Your words are being translated literally. To anyone who knows the language you look like a complete dumbass. You are not cute. You are not smart. Nobody gives a shit that other idiots think you are.

3. Meeting people I have talked to online and having them say "you are so different than I expected you to be. it's like woweeee!". Ok. They don't say wowee, because that's just awful. But they might as well have. Yes, I am shy, and quiet, and somewhat child-like in presence. I'm not sure what image I am exactly giving off, but I don't like feeling like I have to live up to it. This is another example of something I shouldn't be mad at, because nobody is insulting me, or hurting my feelings. I guess it's just getting old. Sorry. :(

4. The fact that I live inside my own brain, and forget that other people can't see it. How the people I love the most never know, and eventually they get tired of waiting, and they leave. What do you mean you don't think I care?! DIDN'T YOU USE YOUR MAGIC PORTAL TO SEE INSIDE ME? Christ almighty! Some people.

5. People who don't adore scrabble as much as me. I get REALLY sick of hearing everyone say "that's not a word. i quit". Or, "i don't like playing with you. you always win". Why don't you just shut up and learn something. And, fuck, it's ok to lose. I don't think you are a moron.

OH man, this list could get long. Might as well stop before I look like an irritable asshole. I'm really not.

Dear Life, you are beautiful. I love you passionately.
[and that's true]
[just maybe not right now]
[blame it on the brain]
[yes, i exist with out it]

Current Mood: uncomfortable uncomfortable
Current Music: Propagandhi

31 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, my brain is a complete mad house. Everyone is running around screaming, but they don't know why. The landlord is on vacation. Little Suzie asks why all her friends faces have been skinned off, and sewn on blow up dolls. Who is that man with the large penis? What is happening. No question mark really needed.

I suppose my current brain could be a reflection of the life I lead, or vice versa. I'm not quite sure.

I went to Chicago a couple days ago with Evan. Good times were had, because I was away from this awful house (and by house I think I mean me). This is my third time going in 2 months.

Some strange things happened. Some good things happened. Some bad things happened. But overall, I'm glad I went.

A boy told me he was in love with me. I punched him in the chest so hard, he couldn't breathe. He said "ouch". I said "I know". We were both sad, and confused as to what just happened. I mean, he was. Ugh. I'm so sorry.

My Dad received a new computer monitor several days ago. The box was huge, and my feline, Penelope was in love. I drew "Penelope's Castle Of Doom!" on the outside, as well as some scary pictures of dead mice, and kitty feet with menacing claws shooting out. This box was her world, then my mom took it away, and now she she sits in a box no bigger than one you would put bread in. No playing, no random "merps". Just a sad kitty, sitting in a box, wondering what the hell is going on around here.

This is not where I should be. Changes are occuring, but way too slowly.
I miss someone passionately in this moment. So, it's just too bad that I never want to see his jerkass face again. This thought is conflicting, you see.

I'm doing the best I can here! That's only half a lie.
I'm going on a hunger strike. Fuck you brain.

And apparantly, I can't talk, or say what I mean.
So, I'm stopping.

Current Mood: worried and pissed.

14 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
[1]--> when and how did we meet:
[2]--> have you ever seen me with my shirt off:
[3]--> have you ever seen me cry:
[4]--> describe me in four adjectives:
[5]--> if we could spend a day together what would we do:
[6]--> have we ever gotten in a fight:
[7]--> if you could give me a present what would it be:
[8]--> would you hug me:
[9]--> what do you really think of me:
[10]--> have we ever kissed:
[11]--> has there ever been anything you wanted to tell me, but were scared to:
[12]--> name one thing you dont like about me:

I realize that requesting this information may take some time out of your busy, beautiful lives. And truth be told, every time I see these on my friends list, I cringe a little inside my brain. But, oh well, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

p.s. No flattery, please. Just honesty. I imagined a laugh track to go off right after I get half-way through saying "honesty". That's just too bad.

p.p.s. Wait. Did I just get jaded to humanity? Damnit. What I meant to say was, eh, say whatever you want.

Today, is a day for my brain to be disconnected in areas 47b, and 2a. I think some others will come as this day progresses. They wont be fixed this time. The repairman just lost his job.

And champagne WILL fall from the sky.
My life just got amazing, and I did it all by myself.

Current Mood: curious curious
Current Music: thrm-denial 9094

53 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
(Screeching Weasel)

Are you male or female?: (She Got) Electroshocked*

Describe yourself: Cat-Like

How do some people feel about you?:Zombie

How do you feel about yourself?:Good Morning

Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend/interest/spouse:
Rubber Room

Where would you rather be?:On My Own

Describe what you want to be/do: Pervert At Large*

Describe how you live: Acknowledge

Describe how you love: I Hate Your Guts On Sunday

Share a few words of wisdom: If I Was You

*doesn't really apply, but I couldn't find anything to fit.

Anyway, I need some cheering up. This is when I turn to you and say "help me, please". :(

p.s. Something! Anything! A picture of a fat man with a carrot up his ass! Pick a fight with me about string cheese. I don't give a hoot! I'm just saying...

Current Mood: lonely lonely

53 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
The day started off lovely, in surroundings I always enjoy finding myself in when I come out of dreams. The smell of his house lingers in my clothes hours after leaving. I can't complain about this, because the fragrance is one to go under the category of "Smells That Make My Stomach Feel Like Clouds".
Everything was candy and hearts.

Then Life [my brain] said "I'm pissed at you. Let me change your view of the world completely".

Champagne did not fall from the sky this evening. All the children were screaming and smashing their parents over the head with their own cut off limbs. The legs and arms that were sliced off [so sweetly] with rusty saw blades, when The Boss Of My Own World, wrote "sorry kid, today just isn't your day".

People tried to suck my brain at rapid speed, but I was too quick for them, and smacked them all the ground. Not a very nice thing to do, considering they were being friendly, or whatever.

Norwegian class was the worst. Everyone in this class has one or two qualities that make me cringe, but there is one shit-ball in particular that gets my panties in a bunch. He's middle aged, and has gums that are the same color as his teeth. They have merged into one, and I hate it. He is a judge, and I can't believe it, because I'm sure he has conversations with dirt, as they most definitely have the same brain. What's worse is hearing his fucking mouth talk. Everything is awful and stupid, and I'm pissed. Oh, and his pronunciation of the Norwegian language sounds like Down Syndrome. AND he always smells like POOP FLAVORED SEMEN.

I turned on the television and was greeted by Jerry Springer. The crowd was crazy and chanting "WHORE!". The woman [a plump lady with a neon orange shirt and shit blonde hair] promptly responded by sending hate rays from her eyes to the audience, lifting up her shirt to expose her breasts and saying "I GOT YOUR WHORE RIGHT HERE!".

Stupid, jerk.

Today has been SO thumbs down that the buried dead were scared because they thought the earth was trying to fuck them.

Uh oh. I said something ridiculous. Bad, bad girl! Well, fuck that, I'm pissed, I say what I want. :)

Ok. I've said enough. Now you tell me something.

Current Mood: mad for no good reason.

25 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Every once, and again, I like to post shitty web cam pictures that nobody really cares about. Hey, just shut your face.

I do what I want.Collapse )

Today has started off well.

-I had a dream about Tyler. In the dream we were eating ice cream and yelling at strangers "hows Wall Street, you mother fucker!". It was silly, but worthy of a smile.

-My friend Jerry stopped by earlier, and brought me CIRCUS PEANUTS! He said, "these are to feed the circus inside your brain". Bless his beautiful heart.

-I saw three people making out a car outside my house. They were all fat white trash, and people walking by acted like it was no big thing. WEIRD, but OK.

-The cd Evan made me is so good, it can be compared to sex. You wish. I can't stop listening to it. Pry it from my cold dead hands, I say.

-salz is on his way from Philly to come visit me! He will be here in a few hours. Good times are to be had, I am sure.

-Adam is on his way over as I type this. I don't need to say anything about that except, yay.

So, maybe I will end this with my favorite joke. Maybe? Hm?

Two muffins were baking in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other one and says "WHEW! It sure is hot in here!"
The other muffin says "OH MY GOD! A TALKING MUFFIN!"

Current Mood: hi!
Current Music: cky

40 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you