Don’t try to find me. I’ve moved to Planet Madness.
As you may have guessed, the king of this planet is none other than The Madness himself.
I remember when we used to have tea (earth tea) and he would kick the old joke bucket around about how one day he would kidnap me and take me to his planet. Despite the fact that he was the almighty madness, I never believed him. I should’ve listened to the little hairs that shivered quietly on the back of my neck.
The day the madness took me away was a day like any other. The sky had not fallen, and Chicken Little was nowhere in sight. Fearful humans were running the streets trying their best to appear elegant and OK with it all. I was waiting for a bus downtown, creating magical stories inside my brain, followed by the usual bursts of quiet laughter and then the old quick glance around to make sure nobody saw me laughing to myself when I had no book or phone, or company…then scolding myself for caring.
Then an anorexically skinny man with a top hat and handlebar moustache sat beside me. He was blowing bubbles with his spit (bubbles as big as the balls so many of you wish you had. YEAH, that big.) He smelled like semen and sugar cookies. It was disgusting, but curiously delightful.
Just as I was about to compliment his fancy top hat, he said (in a most poetic presentation) “Derp-a-lop-a-doo. Shampa-skampa-loo. Who are you? Knives the size of Jupiter have kitty feet for souls.”
It was then that I understood…Every strange pleasant smile on the disheveled men who sit at street corners debating the politics of fish to invisible creatures around them. Every woman pushing a cart with all her posessions singing quietly…then loudly…then quietly yet again, and then the final angry punch to the air, before she silences herself and that smile appears.
Yes, the world finally made sense.
But, don’t miss me too much. I won’t be here long. The Madness doesn’t know this yet, but I have a brilliant escape plan. Or maybe he does know and I will be punished greatly…or fucked beautifully. We’ll see. Until then, I will enjoy my time here on Planet Madness just fine. I still have much to learn, and perhaps may vacation here in times to come.
For now I bid you farewell. Hope you are excellent. Wish you were here…and all of those things.
Love and loony bins,
Emily (aka…The Madness?)