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"funereally fer real" [my love is killing me] - Satanic Panic in the Attic
"funereally fer real" [my love is killing me]
Often times, I find that I have turned into a giant balloon. Once turned into this balloon, I float away thousands of miles from my human suit. This is all very lovely, unless I happen to be in a situation where my body needs a little loving attention [it gets lonely without me. so lonely it causes poor Human Suit to go mad. wires are flying all over the place. everyone is screaming, but they don't know why]

Some examples over the few months=

1. Driving over curbs and smashing into a pole, totalling the car...because I wasn't aware for a few seconds that I was trying to park. I don't remember where I was [where my balloon had drifted] right before and during this stupid little incident, but I'm sure it was great.

2. Walking to the gas station a couple weeks ago, imagining what my perfect best friend would look like. I've always had an image of "who they were", but not how they looked. So, I thought I would go over some options and stories to go with their look. The one which was making me giggle at the time was a scenerio of a man who was grotesquely overweight with flaming red hair, and he liked to sing silly childrens songs in a rather demented [hilarious] way. Well, what would be his favorite thing to do? That is, what really makes him soil the panties of his brain? SUDDENLY, he was rolling down a steep hill giggling like a little girl who just pooped down the laundry chute-[well i know that made me giggle when i used to do it.shh]. It was just all too much. Intense hilariousness was swimming inside me. Well, while the last few moments of this story were going on I apparently thought I was back home again, and didn't realize I hadn't even been to the gas station yet, because I was trying to unlock the gas station with my house key...for at least 25 seconds [ok i lied. it was more like half-1 second. but it felt like a stupid long time after i realized what had just happened] How embarassing! Actually it was just so stupid that it became amazing.

3. Just a few moments ago, I was thinking about my friend Caleb, and recalling memories of a night that we went to the beautifully disgruntled diner from a heavenly hell. Such great characters to work with to make this a great story. I was so tickled to get this story "on the road" that a big smile grew upon my face. Just at that moment [of the smile] my mother walked in...WELL, apparently...at some point while the smile was taking place a pop up for hot men with huge testicles consumed the screen of my computer. So there it was...me smiling warmly, and hot men with huge testicles dancing in front of me, and my mother with a disgusted look on her face. She said "that's it. i'm done. i'm going to bed. don't talk to me" Oh, she is very serious. Such a hard woman to please.

Anyway, I guess this world isn't very cooperative with us day dreamers. Life is a rough crowd these days. Tis' true. I'm a total reality retard. The government should give me money.

Current Mood: st00pid

27 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
From: pokemyeye Date: April 5th, 2004 05:53 pm (UTC) (Link)
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 5th, 2004 06:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
some people in indiana miss that smile.
i mean, i don't know who they are or anything...
i just heard about it on the news.
supposedly it's some huge scandel.
if it isn't one thing it's another.

[smiles with you]
From: pokemyeye Date: April 5th, 2004 06:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
hey im comming back to visit, ill be back on july 8th, so you better make time, cause im going to see.

disclaim_her From: disclaim_her Date: April 5th, 2004 08:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
come over. now.
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 5th, 2004 08:28 pm (UTC) (Link)
I wish.

You know, I still have your christmas presents under the desk in my room.

Why haven't you received them you may ask?

Well, the answer is simple, but I don't like to say bad things about myself. Let it be an unspoken knowledge. We wont talk about it.

Besides, maybe it's a sign that I'm supposed to deliver them in person.

From: pokemyeye Date: April 5th, 2004 08:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
hahaha, what is it what is it, presents (as in more than one) hells yeah, does happy dance for presents, if that wasnt intendid for me then act like i said nothing. heheheh
you go my number still correct?

if not
aim me
aim - sickinfusion
yahoo - slain_over_gum

pulsewidth From: pulsewidth Date: April 6th, 2004 12:46 am (UTC) (Link)

feeling a little intense lately?
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 12:51 am (UTC) (Link)

yeah. that's right.

how did you know?
pulsewidth From: pulsewidth Date: April 6th, 2004 03:00 am (UTC) (Link)
i've heard some stories that have been floating around is all. intense stories. stories of passion and swash-buckling with just a pinch of comedy. twists and turns and slaps in the face from white gloves armed by mustached millionaires wearing monocles and tuxedos as they speak of their vast fortunes and expensive possessions with one another. a romantic scenario with dancing curtains in a wind that cannot be explained, soon interrupted by a chorus of vomiting children accompanied by canned laughter and the occasional, "awwwww," and then silence. rusted walls and mysterious liquids. endless fields and exploding heads. a lonely boy and his even lonelier face. no one and nowhere. know how of nothing. all of the stories end the same way and all at the same time in one miraculous discharge. all that's left is my lifeless corpse and a small kitten to feast upon my decomposing face which has already found its way to the ground like the skin of a freshly cooked pudding. are you the kitten or are you the child with the devilish grin, poking at my rotting genitals with a stick? hey there little girl. would you like to take a ride in my van? i've got jelly beans.

intensity is what you seek and intensity is what you get. silly stories become silly truths and suddenly the silliness turns to seriousness and the laughter turns to clenched fists and gnashing teeth. the caress of a cheek suddenly becomes a punch in the face while kisses turn into a waterfall of blood from a gaping chest wound. it's all fun and games until someone gets hurt, right? right.

ok, bye!
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC) (Link)
While I had a brain tingling time reading that, the meaning behind it all was of course, kind of sad, and intense on a level that I wish I didn't have to think about.

I don't really know what else to say in this moment.

Just know that I do love you, and am worried about you...and lots of other random words.

You know, I am here if you want to talk about this. I know how you like to bottle up everything and shake it around until you explode in an unpleasant way.

We are both having a hard time you know? It's not just you. Please remember that.
pulsewidth From: pulsewidth Date: April 6th, 2004 05:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
well i'm glad i can still make your brain tingle somehow.
twodosia From: twodosia Date: April 6th, 2004 01:40 am (UTC) (Link)
I love that last part about the men with huge testicals. I can just picture the look on your mothers face.

I think the problem with society is they work, work, work with no play. Play is neccesary in a world like this.
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Haha. Yes. I wish I had a picture. A perfect moment captured in time.

And, I agree. No play makes people insssane [and not in a good way].
jetblackcoverup From: jetblackcoverup Date: April 6th, 2004 02:34 am (UTC) (Link)
your daydreaming puts a smile on my face. <3

but not as much as a retarded scientist and his sidekick assistant with downs, striving for excellence.
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 12:46 pm (UTC) (Link)

Do you think that will ever get old?

I think not. It's one of those timeless hilarities.

Haha. I just imagined us in a nursing home, eating pudding, in our super motored wheelchairs, spitting pudding all over the place because we were telling the story of the retarded scientist and his sidekick assistand with downs, striving for excellence, for the 6 MILLIONTH time.

And then a disgruntled nurse comes in and sees us laughing, and gives us a shot to "calm us down". Ok. Now I'm pissed. Stupid nursing homes.
jetblackcoverup From: jetblackcoverup Date: April 6th, 2004 03:02 pm (UTC) (Link)
hahaha. seriously, its never going to get old. even when we are old, it never will. and i will break that fucking nurse's arm if she comes near you with a needle.

die nurse ratchet!!!!
lanky_bastard From: lanky_bastard Date: April 6th, 2004 06:24 am (UTC) (Link)

On Testicles

I beat porn, hands down.
Online testicle-dancers
Got nothing on me.
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 12:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: On Testicles

Somehow, I believe it to be true.
timeiswasting From: timeiswasting Date: April 6th, 2004 07:41 am (UTC) (Link)

singing you a song

love to love ya lady

girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 6th, 2004 12:57 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: singing you a song

aww girrrl. you know how to make me happy.
bluestars From: bluestars Date: April 7th, 2004 09:05 am (UTC) (Link)
i want to be a balloon
deepcrotch From: deepcrotch Date: April 7th, 2004 09:31 am (UTC) (Link)

emotional doucheing

la la primitive enema
powersparkles From: powersparkles Date: April 7th, 2004 09:45 am (UTC) (Link)
when you're a balloon, and floating away and stuff, do you ever catch the birds' attention? i'd be afraid of their beaks, and their subsequent pecking and stuff. birds are fun, but not when you're a balloon, and not when you're playing in the clouds.
girlsetsfire From: girlsetsfire Date: April 12th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
"what do horses eat?"


i keep thinking about that hilariousness. i love you davvve!
yobachi2003 From: yobachi2003 Date: April 7th, 2004 12:12 pm (UTC) (Link)
Damn you get that lost in your thoughts? I have a very vivid and active imagination myself. I've driven past where I was going for a ways before realising it because I was mentally in another world and just rolling, but not to the extreme of driving into a pole or something.

I can be pretty absent minded sometimes do to being lost in my thoughts, but I don't know if I can quite fuck with trying to unlock the convience store with my house key.

I've always been a day dream. It was real bad when I was a kid. I could block the whole school day out and be in my on little world. It was almost like a comotose state. I used to get in trouble cause I used to play fight with my pens and pencils. Sometimes I still do, lol.

But I can relate to getting caught with the smile on your face. Often I'll be think about something that's funny and I'll smile or laugh to myself and I look retared. I used to get the "what the fuck's wrong with you" look from my mom all the time in high shcool - lmao!

You're illiteration and just the way you lay things out when you write is great. Let me know when you get your first book published.
lafemmelolita From: lafemmelolita Date: April 8th, 2004 01:48 pm (UTC) (Link)
it's so great to read that i'm not the only one who gets drawn to intensely (?!) into different demension fantasy worlds (however you describe it). i cant say if i've done silly things while i'm "zoning out" or "daydreaming" (aside from always dropping what ever is in my hand) but, somehow, it's comforting to know that someone else is imagining imaginary people in an imaginary world.

do you more often prefer that world? do you ever feel guilty for your mental entertainment?

i was in the park the other day and i saw this beeeautiful building and now one of my new "thoughts" is what if i had this huge castle to myself composed of a variety of different apts. each one yours. and you can have every space however you want it, for every mood... game rooms included!
From: pokemyeye Date: November 18th, 2005 12:44 am (UTC) (Link)
how are you? i havent talked to you in forever. i lost your number and im comming back to indiana in december. please gimme gimme.


miss ya cutie
27 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you