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Satanic Panic in the Attic
01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
0666. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.
48 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Have you ever repeated a word over and over again, and suddenly it becomes meaningless?

Perhaps laughter fucked your being so perfectly that The Madness turned to you and gave you a wink [he is famous for these winks].

That is life. Study anything intensely, it all becomes meaningless Don't be afraid [but you will be-you are human! haha!]. Sure we give things meaning [I do it everyday. You do too!]. Silly humans [because the true meaning behind this mask lies in combinations...dimensions...chaos? perfection in chaos? only the Shadow know...hilarious indeed]

Let the laughter ring loud throughout the land. They will all laugh with you and be none the wiser.
The Madness AwaitsCollapse )
37 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Don’t try to find me. I’ve moved to Planet Madness.
As you may have guessed, the king of this planet is none other than The Madness himself.

I remember when we used to have tea (earth tea) and he would kick the old joke bucket around about how one day he would kidnap me and take me to his planet. Despite the fact that he was the almighty madness, I never believed him. I should’ve listened to the little hairs that shivered quietly on the back of my neck.

The day the madness took me away was a day like any other. The sky had not fallen, and Chicken Little was nowhere in sight. Fearful humans were running the streets trying their best to appear elegant and OK with it all. I was waiting for a bus downtown, creating magical stories inside my brain, followed by the usual bursts of quiet laughter and then the old quick glance around to make sure nobody saw me laughing to myself when I had no book or phone, or company…then scolding myself for caring.

Then an anorexically skinny man with a top hat and handlebar moustache sat beside me. He was blowing bubbles with his spit (bubbles as big as the balls so many of you wish you had. YEAH, that big.) He smelled like semen and sugar cookies. It was disgusting, but curiously delightful.

Just as I was about to compliment his fancy top hat, he said (in a most poetic presentation) “Derp-a-lop-a-doo. Shampa-skampa-loo. Who are you? Knives the size of Jupiter have kitty feet for souls.”

It was then that I understood…Every strange pleasant smile on the disheveled men who sit at street corners debating the politics of fish to invisible creatures around them. Every woman pushing a cart with all her posessions singing quietly…then loudly…then quietly yet again, and then the final angry punch to the air, before she silences herself and that smile appears.

Yes, the world finally made sense.

But, don’t miss me too much. I won’t be here long. The Madness doesn’t know this yet, but I have a brilliant escape plan. Or maybe he does know and I will be punished greatly…or fucked beautifully. We’ll see. Until then, I will enjoy my time here on Planet Madness just fine. I still have much to learn, and perhaps may vacation here in times to come.

For now I bid you farewell. Hope you are excellent. Wish you were here…and all of those things.

Love and loony bins,
Emily (aka…The Madness?)
19 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
If it seems like I've been ignoring a lot of people...it's true, and I'm very sorry. I've been all caught up in "The Madness". Yes, he's back. He's grown a beard since last we met, and I must admit it looks pretty awful... but somehow it fits him.

We have been hanging out a lot lately, doing things such as camping, going out for coffee (well, tea for him. he says it makes him feel fancy), midnight worm hunting, scrabble, ghost stories in the dark, drunken running marathons, and reciting bad poetry in a serious manner, and then falling down to the floor in a fit of laughter. Sometimes he falls down so hard he cracks his skull open and a disgusting pile of brains and ooze lies pretty on the carpet. It makes me smile. BUT, he is "The Madness", and his wounds heal quickly.

Our relationship amuses me. We are on to one another, I know it. Sure, we may seem like great pals to an outside viewer...and we are...oh, we are. But, we are the kind of friends who are not really "friends" at all. While we may look like we are being "cute" with one another, doing all these "chummy" things, the wheels of our brains go round and round[round and round]. We are just trying to find the best way to destroy the other. We think we are getting an inside view [secret information for a most perfect murder], but with both our defenses up, and both of us being sneaky sons of bitches, I fear this tango may go on quite a while.

Sometime he has to fuck up, [let down this mask he wears. forget to lock his door at night], and I will be there. Clues will be obtained, and my good buddy The Madness will laugh and laugh, because..."you can't destroy THE MADNESS! Silly girl." Damn. It's true. All you can do is pay him off in Gucci handbags, and hope he stays away for a while. Oh, that man and his obsession with those ugly bags. The Madness has a madness of his own. He says "shop til' you drop girrrl".

Anyway. I don't want to talk about him anymore. It only swells his ego.



In other news, I will be living at my English teachers' (Dorothy) apartment for the next two weeks while she is in Ireland. She lives in an old school building, and has two great kitty cats. I'm very excited about this.

Unfortunately, there is no phone, or computer. So, those of you who know where I will be staying will just have to guess if I'm there or not. A fun game!

Upon returning from my schoolhouse adventure I will shower you with stories and pictures. Until then, my beautiful friends, I hope life is making you smile (somehow, somewhere).

Current Mood: orgasmic

33 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, this previous weekend is what I like to call "seriously amazing". No fucking around ladies and gents. This is serious [but not like a business meeting. don't cross your wires].

Our journey through this life is personal, solitary. No one person should ever dictate your happiness. But, when you can find someone whose universe aligns so perfectly with yours...I must say this journey takes a twist which makes me tingle with delight [heart and soul].

I'm truly amazed. Not only amazed, but surprised. And you know how we humans love surprises! I guess I'm just trying to soak it all up. Taking in too much intensity all at once is enough to make me stamp my feet in the hopes I may shake out some of the intensity so that I wont explode. I just think...that would make me really mad [if I exploded]. "She died from being too happy to be alive." It's a good story, but I don't want it. You can keep it if you want to. I promise I will smile when I read about it.

My life is a gigantic lovely mess right now. And for the first time I really feel like it is clear to me what my next step is. It may not turn out the way I plan [what does?], but it's what makes sense. It is what comes together so beautifully were I just a tad more sensitive I might fall to my knees and sing opera to the heavens above. I still might.

A fantastical creature has entered my world. He goes by the name of Caleb. Remember the name because you'll be hearing it again. He has a pair of eyes[hold on] and smirk so brilliant were they made into a separate creature I bet little kids would stab themselves in the stomach just so they could stop feeling the cuteness. And you know how children love the cuteness. It's that intense. And getting to know his universe behind the beautiful door brings nothing but smiles and balloon filled stomachs.

I have many stories to share with you [about life and adventure, and a mysterious magician who sits in the tree tops of every path I walk], but now is not the time. My sponge is not full.
13 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
All of a sudden, nothing in my life makes sense. The fact that it doesn't make sense is perhaps the only thing that does make sense. It all makes sense [in a most unpleasant way].

Only "unpleasant" because it is in this confusion that I have a certain clarity [as much clarity as we stupid human can have] of my life [as a whole]. But that doesn't change the fact that I have created a mess so disgusting that one toe set into it and my entire being swells with such grotesque intensity, that I am driven to do nothing but day dream all day, every day.

I wish my beautiful day dreams would come to my door step in human form, just so I could punch the bitch right in the throat.

Only I can make my life the way I want it to be. And day dreams are only a small fraction of "it all". That's the scariest thing I've ever heard.

I'm in big trouble.

Current Mood: disgruntled
Current Music: chopin/the ridiculous beat of my heart/clocks ticking

38 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Ok. I really don't want to talk about this. But, I just have to. A force is driven from within.

Several times this year the bathroom in my school has had a smell so grotesque that I instantly imagine Dirty Bitch Tracking Elephants finding the smell offender and trampeling them to a bloody death.

Filling the entire room is a distinct smell of rotting fish with just a touch of strawberry. I think it is that hint of sweetness which plunges me into the madness even further. The dirty bitches hovering over the land with legs spread wide gassing their stink about. Sick. Kind of like when the Nazi's tried to trick all those people into "taking a shower", these nasty girls try to trick us with some sweet scented perfume lie. And I know they are just walking around with heads held high thinking nobody knows.

This must not continue. So, I've come up with a good plan. Upon registering for classes every girl will be given a smell examination. If you turn out to be a dirty bitch a micro chip will be implanted in your neck, and when you attempt to enter the normal bathroom an alarm will go off and dogs will attack you.

Dirty bitches will have their own bathroom, which they can only get to after going through a series of mazes, and rotting fish will be hurled at their heads by fat men with no teeth and oozing wounds. Sometimes these men even shoot the puss from the wounds so hard and fast that it lands right in your screaming mouth. Better keep clean next time huh?

Ok. I feel better now. Now I can return to my normal "foolish" daydreams.

Current Mood: prickly

29 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Often times, I find that I have turned into a giant balloon. Once turned into this balloon, I float away thousands of miles from my human suit. This is all very lovely, unless I happen to be in a situation where my body needs a little loving attention [it gets lonely without me. so lonely it causes poor Human Suit to go mad. wires are flying all over the place. everyone is screaming, but they don't know why]

Some examples over the few months=

1. Driving over curbs and smashing into a pole, totalling the car...because I wasn't aware for a few seconds that I was trying to park. I don't remember where I was [where my balloon had drifted] right before and during this stupid little incident, but I'm sure it was great.

2. Walking to the gas station a couple weeks ago, imagining what my perfect best friend would look like. I've always had an image of "who they were", but not how they looked. So, I thought I would go over some options and stories to go with their look. The one which was making me giggle at the time was a scenerio of a man who was grotesquely overweight with flaming red hair, and he liked to sing silly childrens songs in a rather demented [hilarious] way. Well, what would be his favorite thing to do? That is, what really makes him soil the panties of his brain? SUDDENLY, he was rolling down a steep hill giggling like a little girl who just pooped down the laundry chute-[well i know that made me giggle when i used to do it.shh]. It was just all too much. Intense hilariousness was swimming inside me. Well, while the last few moments of this story were going on I apparently thought I was back home again, and didn't realize I hadn't even been to the gas station yet, because I was trying to unlock the gas station with my house key...for at least 25 seconds [ok i lied. it was more like half-1 second. but it felt like a stupid long time after i realized what had just happened] How embarassing! Actually it was just so stupid that it became amazing.

3. Just a few moments ago, I was thinking about my friend Caleb, and recalling memories of a night that we went to the beautifully disgruntled diner from a heavenly hell. Such great characters to work with to make this a great story. I was so tickled to get this story "on the road" that a big smile grew upon my face. Just at that moment [of the smile] my mother walked in...WELL, apparently...at some point while the smile was taking place a pop up for hot men with huge testicles consumed the screen of my computer. So there it was...me smiling warmly, and hot men with huge testicles dancing in front of me, and my mother with a disgusted look on her face. She said "that's it. i'm done. i'm going to bed. don't talk to me" Oh, she is very serious. Such a hard woman to please.

Anyway, I guess this world isn't very cooperative with us day dreamers. Life is a rough crowd these days. Tis' true. I'm a total reality retard. The government should give me money.

Current Mood: st00pid

27 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
I think it's important that if you spend a significant amount of time on anything, you better have accomplished something [however small it is]. With that being said, I must tell you the story of how I only achieved 3 hours of sleep [and a headache], due to black holes, and a group of morons that I can't prove exist [but if they don't they will].

There I was, cozy in my bed [the room was dark. the fan soothing my soul]. In the distance I heard my sweet feline, Penelope Carrots, crying mournfully. I knew she was carrying that giant green ball she always does, when she realizes everyone has gone to sleep, and she feels lonely. Everything made sense. Life existed only for my sleeping pleasure.

Of course, as always, it was then, that my heart and soul were ready for a brain adventure. I was getting into "my" spaceship, and the sky was the most beautiful shade of pink. Penelope was there with her giant green ball. She winked at me often, and I smiled. Smiled, for her quiet wisdom, and for the exciting trip which was to come [but didn't]. It was time to explore black holes.

I paused for a moment [froze the picture of winking kitties and pink sky], to bake crisply in the warmth of the brilliant metaphoric ways of the black hole. [in the great sea of metaphores, black holes eat my soul]. I can't help but feel [intensely] that humans are linked [immensely]. We are the black hole, and life is the star heading straight for the eye.

But, then I had a thought so horrid [to me], that my feet stamped the bed, and I imagined everything I loved exploding [just like THAT].

The thought went something like...I bet somewhere there is a group of stupid jerks who think black holes are "fucking sweet dude", for no other reason than they have no idea what they are about, and things of mystery are "fucking sweet dude".

And this is fine and well [right?]. The soul smasher is that I bet they are in some shitty "punk" or "indie rockerrr" band. And I bet [ 3 toe curls and a cringe ] that they call themselves The Black Holes. They only pay attention to life long enough to make sure they appear "super fucking rad, and hip".

I think, if I were to only hate one thing [and i do], it would be the fact that so many people live their life not even knowing [or attempting to acknowledge] that is it there. It is! And then they grow old and bitter [or not-they die young and stupid-er? DERRR], with nothing to say except "I fucked my shit up" [or they don't. which is worse? i am not to say]. The whole thing makes me sad and disappointed, which makes me angry [because i don't understand].

So, first thing this morning I traveled to google land to look up "The Black Holes music". HOORAY! [that i did not find what i feared was there], and HOORAY! again, for finding this.


But! This chapter is NOT closed, my friends. This world has not ended, and morons exist and will continue to do so...fashionably.

I suppose, were this name to be used...there are only 2 ways I wouldn't get pissed. One, would be if all the songs were about the brilliant metaphoric seduction of the black hole. OR, if all the people in the group were feisty black girls.

So, if you fit either of these groups, please snatch the name quickly, before a group of super rad hipsters put a dirty mark on black holes. See, watch this. "I was thinking about black holes today, and" [interrupted] "The Black Holes!? Yeahhh that new band is awwwesome."

OH, I dread the day I see it. "Girls go crazy wild! Boys penises go rock hard! The Black Holes, a hot new indie rockerrr band has blasted into this world without any warning. The intricate stylings of this amaaaazing band..." blahblahblah. The music will be horrible, my face will be contorted and sick, and everyone will eat it up like dog poop injected "chocolate" chip cookies. Stop mistaking those feces for chocolate! Whatever, they probably can't even taste the difference.

Ok. I feel better now. Thanks for listening. Or if you didn't...fine! You do what you want [i don't know you].

Anyway, I guess I'm just excited to be alive. I hope you are too.

Current Mood: curious curious

47 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Today is my birthday. My sweet 22 has packed her bags and left for a new adventure. 23 is now within me, and has greeted me with prickly arms and snarled tooth a plenty.

There is something about a number that makes me frown. Can we change the rules a bit? Why not words, or phrases, to represent our stay on this earth?[rather than these cold mechanical numbers...]

It is on this day, that I Emmalee Elizabeth Tygum, have turned...

quietly enamored [of life]
beautifully insane
furiously seductive
charmingly stupid
magically delicious

"Ahh the good old days, when I was charmingly stupid, and the world existed only for me."

"Young whippersnapper, don't tell me what you know about being furiously seductive. I too, was once furiously seductive. Ah yes, I remember it well. That summer, my lover and I ran naked through a magical forest, never stopping to wonder for one moment why it was we never grew tired. We survived on love, and jelly beans. It was after all, the year of the jelly bean."

I guess if for some amazing reason, it was decided that our brands of existence were synonymous with words, there would still have to be some kind of order, since that's how things go. And you know the assholes who are in charge would make it stupid and boring. "Today Abner Abernstein has turned old and smelly. He continues to hate his life."

Not that I would ever rule out numbers completely. Numbers are of a beautiful nature. But this beauty is superficial. You can't ask a number to tell you a bedtime story, and expect to smile as you are falling asleep. Trust me, I tried. Not only are they awful story tellers, but Fingernails On a Chalkboard are green with envy of the numbers' ability to eat at human souls[and with such a lack of effort too!].

Anyway, life goes on. And for that I am happy. Each day holds a new surprise. Who doesn't like surprises? If it's you, then you better start liking them, because they are in love with you. Oh, it's true.
56 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
Nothing really seems to make absolute sense. You may think it does for a second. You may focus on that second of "knowing" what is true and real so hard that you soil your panties and believe with most intense of hearts that "yes...the case has been solved. i will rest my bones upon this cookie pan of all knowledge. who wants one of my precious cookies?". But if you pause after this second of condemned "knowing", and continue further, looking for more clues, you will find you were wrong, and that you have no idea what the hell is going on.

Is this exciting? Mhmm. Will it make the little people in your universe scream "unfair! unfair!?" Yes. And will the little people be wearing tutu's while spitting poisonous jelly beans from their pasty dry lips as they chant their disgust? Of course they will. There is a time to go completely mad in this world, and the time is now. It is during this madness, that you find magical doors just begging to be opened. But, their voices are silent. Don't fret! [you can feeeeel them].

Someday everything will all make sense.

Or it wont.

What are you going to do about it?

I don't care so much what is truely true. I make my own truth[which may not be truth at all. so what?]. [I like it! It's fun!]. I fuck my world up on a daily basis. And that's just fine by me.


In more boring news, I am on a weight-loss adventure. This is a picture from a couple days ago. You will all be with me on this adventure. If you pretend that it's exciting, I will make you cupcakes. If you don't like cupcakes, then you get nothing. I'm so sorry.

Current Mood: curious curious

49 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
In a world where nothing seems to make perfect sense on it's own, you have to make your own connections, and make it make perfect sense, or you just may go perfectly insane. Of course this all comes with time. You must complete one investigation after another to get where you want to go inside your brain.

But sometimes, cases are left open, and pushed to the side, because it's just too hard to crack. Clues are left hidden, sometimes masked by what you think is "stupid", or "boring". The top detective in my faces' universe (his name is Victor) finds that if you pay attention to everything, no matter whether it interests you or not, that it just may be the clue you were looking for all along. Suddenly, the case is cracked, and you feel a tingly sensation inside the panties of your brain.

Unfortunately, sweet Victor has gone on vacation to Jupiter, and I am left with Fenwick, otherwise known as "potato brains". Strangely enough, the shape of his head resembles his potato like brains. He is quite simply, the stupidest detective I have ever run across (i wish i could. vroom vroom!). Not only is he stupid, but he is also mean, and likes to torture me by reciting the poetry of dogs "bark...bark, woofin, woof, bark...bark!" Sometimes, he even cries. Derrr.

I guess what I am trying to say is...it's hard to be in love with the world without Victor here to keep me company. And I'm feeling like a shy 6 year old girl, looking for pennies, but only finding vomit from the lonely, and wishing I had someone to share this madness with.

You would think that I could make Victor come and go as I please, with him being a figment of my imagination and all. But you would be wrong to assume so. My characters do what they want. You cannot control the life of a metaphor. Game over.

Being human feels stupid right now. If I were a magical cartoon witch, I would turn myself into a tornado. In case that actually happens, watch out, ok? I love you.

Current Mood: sad/angry/exploding

55 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, for those of you who didn't know, my brains' universe likes to throw pool parties, damn, like 23 hours a day. I know you are probably thinking "POOL PARTY! SWEET, DU-UDE!". But you see, everyone is so busy making out all the time, that they completely miss the attack spaceships invading the land.

Goodness me, they are filled with most grotesque species you could ever imagine! Short, dumpy little creatures, with oozing wounds, and smelly head openings. I dare not call them mouths. What is a mouth without eyes? And, no, they have no eyes! They come, with little passion, yet great determination. Determination to fuck your universe up. But they are simply metal and puss. They say passion is for dummies, because they know no other way of life. They come from the universe known only as "reality". But what does that mean? Reality? Well under definition it reads "boring and stupid. come to our world". What? Yeah, really, come on now. Like I realllly want to come visit your theme park. But you know they invade our universes every day. There is NO stopping them. Foul beasts!

Oh, but my point is, not so long ago I fucked up my car. The pool party was in full effect. The action was hot, and then those disgusting reality monsters...they DID come forth, in full speed. Or should I say, my brain forgot that gas pedal does NOT equal brake pedal? Yes, it's true. Pool party, finished! Everyone was screaming, and we didn't know why. Two universes combined and exploded that day. Intense! My family thought it was funny, and "oh stupid little emily". What? Didn't they see the attackers? It wasn't me! I did nothing. Or maybe you are one of THEM!? No, no! I won't even fathom such a dirty thought. Shame on me.

So, here are some pictures from christmas. They look boring enough, but I swear things are happening that you just DON'T know. Let me tell you.


from left to right!-sisters boyfriend(#1), sister(#2), me(#3). What you see may be what you think you see. But all you really see are expressions and flesh, which may not really explain what is happening, when doors are closed! You have before you 3 separate universes, can you guess what is REALLY going on? Universe #1-The creatures in this land are of great importance. With spiny heads and squishy bodies, they frolic through tulips, but carry knives in their spit. This universe is having a tea party in the basement of hell. DERR. Hey, what's that smell? Universe #2- "TEEHEE-TEEHEE" says this universes face. What we aren't aware of is that she actually just pooped her panties, and teehee-teeheee, it tickles! :( Universe #3-The security guard, says this universe is under lockdown. Even he doesn't know what the hell is going on. All I remember is the feeling that an explosion was going to happen at any moment.

i'm with stupid.Collapse )


p.s. Jesse (wrdvirus1) is dead, and the headquarters, here in my universe, are more than devastated. Yet, we can't help but create magical stories about what may be happening, that is just not known to human brains. And maybe you were only known to me through our conversations as words on a screen, and pictures squeezed into tiny boxes inside of other tiny boxes, but know it was as real as anything. You can't argue what is real. And I bet you know less about your best friend than you think. For now, our universes remain side by side. They are not making love. Maybe they never will. But, oh, how I love to pretend. It's all relevant in a world, where nothing can be proven. Fun!

Current Mood: spaced-exhausted-what?
Current Music: Cranes-Everywhere

47 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, it's been a while, hm? I apologize. Just kidding. Because, I know you are just fine.

You see my brains' teeth have been having some troubles the past few months, so Life came along and wired them together. Chomp! But now I've had a session with the dentist. Laser whitening, my love. Oh, but there will be more sessions. Who knows when. I feel them getting dirty already. [afterwards secret message: brain teeth do not = teeth in my mouth. ok?shhhh. sorry to confuse. my visual teeth are/have been just fine. thanks! ]

I guess sometimes you just have to say to Life "excuse me, but what the hell do you think you're doing". And of course he's all like "get the fuck outta here. nosy bitch". Then you're all "i got your nosy bitch hangin' ". Then Life tickles you until you pass out, and when you wake up the first thing you notice is that you've drooled all over your favorite jacket. The second is that there is a portal inside your brain which you never knew existed before, and now the whole world has changed, and everything is strange and exciting. I've went through a few portals recently.

But the man who operates the door to my face stands hard in his duty to prevent words and such from coming through. He's a fat, greasy fellow, with beady eyes, and a tiny misshapen head. Disgusting! But, good news, every so often he gets smashed on booze and falls asleep. Then... the great escape! But sometimes he talks in his sleep, and that makes me nervous.

Actually...oh shit, he's waking up. I have to go now. But you can still tell me a story. You don't tell me enough stories. It makes me sad. What did I tell you about that? I have stories to tell you. We exchange, no?

Yes, here he comes! Run, run away.

Until next time my friends!

Current Mood: shy
Current Music: Beulah

38 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, my box of contacts mysteriously disappeared earlier (well, that's when I noticed) today. Perhaps, there is a "reasonable" explanation. But what IF there is a god, and he took them, to make me have to go to The Eye Place? Oh, you know, one event leading to another, and if one hadn't happened, the other couldn't? So, I'm trying to think of something that happened at The Eye Place today that held some signifigance. Only one thing can be conluded from a well working brain, and that is that God is trying to freak me out about black holes.

Let me explain. First of all, I can't stop thinking about black holes. I am fascinated. Unfortunately, like any human who lacks complete knowledge, there is an element of fright.

On a side note, black holes remind me of the boyfriend I "had" a few years ago. He was gorgeous sugar, his movements delicate and precise, with a voice so quiet and soothing my ears sometimes became black holes. Yet, I couldn't stop realizing that I wouldn't be surprised that someday I might walk in on him twitching in the corner of a dimly lit room, painted with the blood of his hamster*, hammys' eyeballs planted pretty on a toothpick robot, the boys delicate finger plunging deep inside his nose, desperately trying to pick out his brains. I miss him sometimes.

Anyway, what I was getting at, is that today when I was at The Eye Place, I had my pupils dilated. As soon as I saw my eyes in the mirror I became the center of all weirdness inside my own brain. OH, you guys...I almost passed out. Black holes in my eyes! In your eyes too! And so big they were today. I kept imagining everything getting sucked into me, and what would I do with it all. Then a little boy in the check out line punched the air and said "I'm not fluffy pants!", and my brains' contemporary brain, was smooshed. Just like THAT.

And you know what else? If it was proven without a doubt, that there was a god, and again without a doubt, it was SOMEHOW proven that he picked the jam out of his toes and ate it for a special tasty treat, I bet a lot of people would pretend like they had been doing it all along. It's funny to think about all the silly things humans would do in this situation. I like it.

Sometimes, I wonder if life would be totally boring, if we understood everything, exactly. People love going to a freak show, but eventually they get tired, go home, beat the kids, and get up for work the next morning, like nothing ever happened. Like they totally forgot about the siamese twins turning themselves inside out. Until next year..when it's fun again? Jerks.

Don't pay any attention to me. I don't know what I'm talking about. But neither do you.(Oh really? I see. Prove it.) That's what makes this game so fun.

* He didn't really have a hamster. Psssh.

Current Mood: excitable
Current Music: your face

42 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
In case you guys didn't know, today was national Lazy Day. Lazy Day actually occurs every other day, but most people can't celebrate it with their jobs and all. That's ok. I celebrate for you, no?

I went to bed with two socks and woke up with one. Instead of searching for the other one, I've went through the entire day with one sock on.. My mom says that I must be living in the caveman days. I am confused. Is it true!? Did cavemen only wear one sock?

I hate it when someone is sad about someone dying, and then someone else says "oh don't be sad, she died of a heart attack, peacefully in her sleep". How do they know? I would think that if I had a heart attack while I was sleeping that it would wake me up. Maybe these people were deep sleepers. Or could it be that they were so annoyed with their sleep being interrupted that they said "fuck it", and went back to sleep?

What if reincarnation is true, and I came back as a carrot, and somehow you knew. Would you eat me? Or would you keep me in your pocket and tell me stories. What if your dog ate me, while you were sleeping? Would you scream in his face? I wouldn't. Just remember if this ever happens, I probably don't enjoy being a carrot all the much anyway.

I keep imagining everyone dead in a casket. This weekend I went to a wedding and while everyone was dancing and getting drunk I sat there wondering what they were going to look like when they were dead, and if anyone would remember these happy moments, and the measurments of the "survivors" sadness. Everyone always says to think of the future, but I guess my brain went too far ahead. The dead in a casket bit it pretty much only the beginning, after that it's outer space. If someone offered you 5 billion dollars to be sucked into a black hole would you do it?

These are a few things I think about when I suppose I should be getting a job or something.

Current Mood: lazy lazy
Current Music: ThemEyesKill-Game Genie Will F Your Day Up

37 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
"Two cupcakes, and a bottle of turds."

This was life, he told me, as he twirled his cane, and twitched his mustache. That hair on his lip smelled like penis. I know, because I kissed him once, but only briefly.

Before punching him in the face, we drank tea and spoke of places, magical places. Places, that only seem magical until you arrive. You know. I know you do.

I'm not sure I have ever been so disgusted. Maybe I was once, but I forgot, because nobody likes to feel that way.

We've been programming our brains all along. I waited too long. The store that has the equipment I need has gone out of business.

It's not important you know the details. Well then, what exactly is it...that's so important? That isn't important either.

I guess I just wanted you to know, that someday you may find me standing in the middle of heavy traffic, singing old show tunes, and picking my nose.

There's only 2 teeth left in my brain machine. If they are gone by next time we speak know that I have eaten your brain at one time or another, and the taste was mm mmm good.

And also, if you see the madness heading in your direction, please, please, scream and run away. Don't stand there like a fool..."is that a Gucci handbag I see The Madness carrying today?!".

Current Mood: panicked

26 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
6:15 am, and some woman walks out of her house to a man sitting in a car waiting for her. She is bundled up in a huge brown coat and scarf and is walking quickly, daintily. I found her obnoxious to the point of amazingness. I couldn't believe it.

Her brain looked like it was saying "oh my! it's chilly willies out here! tee heeeee!". And then she plopped down in the car, hard, just like an asshole, and the whole thing bouced around (the drivers head bouncing with it). I wanted to punch her face so bad.

All this anger made me burst out laughing, right there on the porch with nobody to see it, except that ugly dog next door, who then tilted his head and said "barooow?". Even the plants seemed to be looking at me in a strange, almost perplexed, manner.

Projecting strong emotions on to silly displays of humans, and adding more to the story by making up thoughts inside the brains of creatures and inanimate objects, really gets my ass shaking.

I just can't get over how amazing and weird everything really is. Or maybe I should start writing to dear old brain, and tell him to stop thinking so. Ha! Fat chance. We like it here,don't we? Yes. Now shut up and go to bed.

Current Mood: angry, but laughing.

20 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you
So, this just happened.

[picture it]

I was outside on my porch enjoying the cool air and an especially sickening cup of coffee (sickening because i ate a large quanitity of chewy sprees immediatly prior. so i guess i just lied putting the cool air and coffee together after the word enjoying. sorry).

Then, what before my eyes did appear, but two hot girls running down the street completely naked. Their long hair flying in the wind, and not one peep came from their mouths or feet. I felt like I was in a silent film.

A few moments later 3 boys, half dressed, bounded out from the house next door giggling like they just shit their pants at a funeral. One of them, shouted after the girls "yeah run bitches! we should've shot you when we had the chance!". Then they all burst out laughing again.

OH man, life is just too good! Can you stand it babbby!? Sometimes I feel like my brain and soul might explode at any moment from all the amazingly ridiculous things I see. And then I think about the people who say life is boring, and I almost explode again from disbelief.

Current Mood: amused amused

14 human choked on their own vomit and died || ...but i love you